How to Become a Rumorous C# Developer

Introduction

This ultimate how-to guide will teach you how to become the most popular person among your colleagues. You will be the hero of their conversations during cigarette breaks or in the office kitchen. It is even possible that this guide will help you work less — you will often be offered generous help by your co-workers wanting to do your tasks instead of you. This will be your fame!

Steps for Success

Here are the tricky steps for your recognition boost.

1. Naming variables could show your full creativity potential. Don't burden yourself with any notations, guidelines, etc. — they all limit your inspiration. Also, you will get credit if you use an unknown naming scheme — your co-workers will respect you.

   Example:

   bool rAgeaggainStmaShine = false;
   int dd44 = 12;
   bool dude = true;

2. Be genius and intriguing in method and parameters naming.

   Example:

   public int ViriableInflationModusOperandi(int variable, int inflator)
   {
   	return variable * inflator;
   }

3. Comment your code. This is a professional attitude to work. Comments help to understand your code right, not "left".

   Example:

   // This variable is named after my mom. Wyburga-Thomasia Flandrina. Remember it!
   long wtf = 1;

4. Don't write too many comments in your code. Excessive comments make your colleagues feel nervous — do you think they can't understand? They will respect you if you give them a chance to think.

   Example:

   /// <summary>
   /// Perform image check.
   /// </summary>
   public static void ImageRoutine(Image image)
   {
       if ((image != null) && (imageInfoList != null))
       {
           bool isReaderLockHeld = rwImgListLock.IsReaderLockHeld;
           LockCookie lockCookie = new LockCookie();
           threadWriterLockWaitCount++;
           try
           {
               if (isReaderLockHeld)
               {
                   lockCookie = rwImgListLock.UpgradeToWriterLock(-1);
               }
               else
               {
                   rwImgListLock.AcquireWriterLock(-1);
               }
           }
           finally
           {
               threadWriterLockWaitCount--;
           }
           try
           {
               for (int i = 0; i < imageInfoList.Count; i++)
               {
                   ImageInfo item = imageInfoList[i];
                   if (image == item.Image)
                   {
                       return;
                   }
               }
           }
           finally
           {
               if (isReaderLockHeld)
               {
                   rwImgListLock.DowngradeFromWriterLock(ref lockCookie);
               }
               else
               {
                   rwImgListLock.ReleaseWriterLock();
               }
           }
       }
       //Everything is done. Return.
   }

5. Use encapsulation. This is one of the crucial OOP principles.

   Compare these two examples:

   Example #1:

   public int AddTwo(int arg)
   {
   	return arg + 2;
   }
   
   public int AddOne(int arg)
   {
   	return arg + 1;
   }
   
   public void Main()
   {
   	int calc = AddOne(AddTwo(5));
   }

   Example #2:

   public void Main()
   {
   	int calc = 5 + 2 + 1;
   }

   Sure, example #1 looks more solid. It has more lines of code, everything is encapsulated, and the code looks impressive.

6. Write less code. This leads to fewer errors, less time on support, and more time for fun.
   Consider the following architecture juice:

   common.js

   function deleteUser(userId)
   {
       $.get("sqlengine.ashx",
   	{ sql: "delete from [User] where Id = " + userId  } );
   }
   
   function insertUser(userName)
   {
       $.get("sqlengine.ashx",
   	{ sql: "insert into [User] values ('" + userName + "')" } );
   }

   sqlengine.ashx

   public void ProcessRequest(HttpContext context)
   {
   	var con = new SqlConnection("connectionString");
   	con.Open();
   	var cmd = new SqlCommand(context.Request.QueryString["sql"]);
   	cmd.Connection = con;
   	cmd.ExecuteNonQuery();
   	con.Close();
   }

   You get: AJAXified pages, rapid development, and multi-tier architecture.

7. Write a genius code. Your colleagues will thank you for the insights.

   Write

   int year = 0x000007D9;

   instead of

   int year = 2009;

   Write

   var sb = new StringBuilder();
   sb.Append(“Error:”);
   sb.Append(2001);
   sb.Append(“.”);
   return sb.ToString();

   instead of

   return string.Format(“Error: {0}.”, 2001);

   Use

   /// <summary>
   /// Does mysterious transformation of TRUE to FALSE and vice versa.
   /// </summary>
   public static bool TheGreatLifeTransformation(bool valueToTransform)
   {
       if (valueToTransform == true)
       {
           return false;
       }
       if (valueToTransform == false)
       {
           return true;
       }
   
       throw new ArgumentOutOfRangeException();
   }

   instead of

   !value

Bonus Track

If you follow these simple steps, your name will soon be known by all of your co-workers. You will be a very popular person — your colleagues will come to you for advice, a chat and a handshake. Some of them may ask you about your professional secret. If this happens, you can give them the following answer (with the voice of a mentor):

"Writing code is a transcendental process of transformation of infinite chaos into finite reality with coherence, of course".

Disclaimer

Everything in this article should not be treated seriously. Any similarities with real code or real people are coincidental.

PS: What would you add to my how-to list? Write it in comments and I will be happy to expand my list.  

Updates

Thanks for great contribution to all of you! A lot of brilliant evidences of rumorous developers could be found in the comments.

Special thanks to:

• warny
• jkruza
• Alessandro Bernardi
• Rozis
• nrkn