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Both - helped various people over the years, strangers friends and family. Failed to help another stranger (obviously in need) years ago, and regretted it ever since. It wasn't lack of courage so much as lack of concern.
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Tried it a lot of times.
- Starting with small things: i.e. Telling a stranger "I'm going" whilst walking to my car in a totally full parking lot" (what made the youg guy smile from ear to ear)
and
- going up to several months of investing time / tips / advices / teaching: I.e. relative of a relative of mine that came to germany without a word of german to whom I helped with the language, introduced several people, helped teaching automation, helped with documents whilst looking for a job (which he landed in the maintenance group in a BMW-Plant, brought his wife and child here and a couple of years later he managed to reach the Ing. job he actually deserved by his own).
Sadly a lot of miss-success histories in the way. Mostly due to loss of interest of the third person, what annoyed me a lot, but hey... that's life. Noone can always "win".
Many times a simple Thank you was my reward (and it is more than enough for me in this topic). I sometimes hadn't got any, my reward is my own pride of having helped someone.
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
modified 8hrs 5mins ago.
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Nelek wrote: - Starting with small things: i.e. Telling a stranger "I'm going" whilst walking to my car in a totally full parking lot" (what made the youg guy smile from ear to ear)
Crazy as it might sound, sometimes it's just the little things like that, that can brighten someone's day.
Nelek wrote: going up to several months of investing time / tips / advices / teaching: I.e. relative of a relative of mine that came to germany without a word of german to whom I helped with the language, introduced several people, helped teaching automation, helped with documents whilst looking for a job (which he landed in the maintenance group in a BMW-Plant, brought his wife and child here and a couple of years later he managed to reach the Ing. job he actually deserved by his own).
You da man.  People should learn to stand on their own two feet, but we're all in this life thing together and helping out like that speaks volumes, buddy. I tried doing something similar with starting an investing group to help others back in Los Angeles. Not sure if I just sucked as a teacher (could be  ) but it didn't pan out as it was more about ego and people lying. So, I stopped it. E for effort I guess...
Nelek wrote: Sadly a lot of miss-success histories in the way. Mostly due to loss of interest of the third person, what annoyed me a lot, but hey... that's life.
Tru dat, that's a lesson I need to learn for sure... people are going to be who they are ya know.
Nelek wrote: I sometimes hadn't got any, my reward is my own pride of having helped someone.
Not sure if your spiritual or not, but no matter what happens you're rewarded with being able to look in the mirror and smile... knowing you spent your time on this planet at least trying to make it a teeny, tiny bit better than you found it.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: Not sure if your spiritual or not,
Not really spiritual (although I do believe in spirits and "karma"), but more in the way of ethic / philosophic.
Jeremy Falcon wrote: knowing you spent your time on this planet at least trying to make it a teeny, tiny bit better than you found it.
That's one of the things my parents teached me, go whereever you go, do whatever you do... try always to leave things at least as good as you found it.
Sure it is not always possible, but I try my best on that.
It is like trying not to close the door when relationships (it doesn't matter if professional or personal) end. Mine might sleep long time, but I have re-taken contact with several people during the years and there were no bad feelings and was enough to meet and have a drink or to crush over when in town. So far only ended bad with 2 people in my life.
M.D.V.
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Nelek wrote: Not really spiritual (although I do believe in spirits and "karma"), but more in the way of ethic / philosophic.
Just read this after my other comment... Totally agree about that karma.
Nelek wrote: try always to leave things at least as good as you found it.
Sure it is not always possible, but I try my best on that.
It's a great philosophy man.
Nelek wrote: It is like trying not to close the door when relationships (it doesn't matter if professional or personal) end. Mine might sleep long time, but I have re-taken contact with several people during the years and there were no bad feelings and was enough to meet and have a drink or to crush over when in town. So far only ended bad with 2 people in my life.
As long as you aren't unfair with your current partner. I sure wouldn't want someone I was serious with hanging out with her ex, even if it ended on good terms. Never met a sane chick that was good with that either (for a serious relationship, not just having fun). I mean, unless there were kids involved... then you got no choice.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: But, how many of y'all have helped change someone's day (or life) for the better? Whether it be a stranger or a sibling?
Who hasn't?
Don't all of us do something for someone from time to time? 
Could be as easy as visiting your grandma...
I invited a cousin over last week and when he left he said "we should do this more often, it's therapeutic." 
Now changing someone's life...
Another cousin always looked up to me and started drumming because of me (for like a year or something) and he started freelancing more or less because I was a role model.
I didn't change his life, but I'd like to think I've had a positive influence 
If things are going as they should, we'll do a project together soon!
There was also this guy right here on CP that wrote a book because I commented "you should write a book" on a rather lengthy article and after that I pointed him towards a publisher I'd worked with.
I don't think I did much, but he still thanks me for it in his foreword (which is kind of awesome) 
Maybe I inspired other people as well?
And boy do I wish I helped someone.
I used to have a best friend who came from a broken family.
Mother working odd jobs just to get food on the table.
He did pretty well at school, good grades and nice friends, although he ended up doing drugs after we grew apart.
Anyway, he had a little sister and she was very childish (she was a child, but even then...).
He wasn't particularly nice to her and sometimes just flat out mean (calling her fat and stuff, made her very body-aware, and they both were pretty fat...).
And either she liked me or she really just needed attention, even if it was from her brother's friends, but she often tried to talk to me when her brother would tell her to shut up and ![Elephant | [mastadon]](https://www.codeproject.com/script/Forums/Images/elephant.gif) off.
She just wanted the attention her mother and brother didn't give her and she didn't have many (if any) friends.
She cried a lot.
Looking back on it I should've been nicer to her.
I still think to myself if only I'd just asked about her day, or her hobby, or whatever.
Probably would've meant the world to her.
She's married now and turned out pretty hot, so I guess she did okay in the end (although I don't know if she's mentally stable or happy), but she had a rough childhood and I didn't do anything to make it better while it would've been so easy.
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Sander Rossel wrote: Don't all of us do something for someone from time to time?
Sure do, but I'm getting at going above and beyond. Juicy deets, yo.
Sander Rossel wrote: I invited a cousin over last week and when he left he said "we should do this more often, it's therapeutic."
That's cool man. As someone who hasn't seen his cousin in years, probably did a world of good for him too.
Sander Rossel wrote: I didn't change his life, but I'd like to think I've had a positive influence
That's awesome man.
Sander Rossel wrote: I don't think I did much, but he still thanks me for it in his foreword (which is kind of awesome)
Sometimes it's just a vote of confidence coming from another person ya know. Maybe you saying that made it seem real to him because nobody else in his life would think he could write a book. Success breeds success.
Sander Rossel wrote: Probably would've meant the world to her.
Yeah man. I got regrets too, like not giving a (genuine) homeless guy money once. He's vibe was real. I make it a point to never help fake people, but this dude struck a cord in me and I did nothing. I'm sure there are other areas I screwed up too, just the first one to pop in my head.
As far as the chick thing goes, I know exactly what you mean. I can't say who because it's a public forum and I'm using my real name, but lets just say I had a family member who's brother was extremely terrible to her. And she told me her whole life she always wanted a brother... like a normal one. As adults we still chat every now and again about silly stuff, and while I did nothing practically someone's that's all people need ya know... normalcy.
Sander Rossel wrote: She's married now and turned out pretty hot, so I guess she did okay in the end (although I don't know if she's mentally stable or happy), but she had a rough childhood and I didn't do anything to make it better while it would've been so easy.
I mean that's good to know, I guess. Quick side tangent though, a pretty face doesn't always make someone happy. I could speak on this for hours, but I'll shut up now.
Thanks for the post, buddy.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: That's cool man. As someone who hasn't seen his cousin in years, probably did a world of good for him too.
He lives in my street, about a minute walk, it's been years since we talked 
Well, months, at least... 
I see his parents and siblings regularly (his little brother is the cousin who went freelance and he's also into IT, games, anime, cool music and movies, def my fave cousin!).
And I eat over at his parent's place weekly... Well, until his dad fell down the stairs anyway.
Last week, I invited all my cousins (and partners and children) to a restaurant dinner.
Only this guy isn't coming as he's not really a family guy (save for his own household, he has a wife and two kids and he's a great dad).
Him not coming was my reason for inviting him over.
I'm good with all my cousins from my mother's side and also the oldest.
I never see my cousins from my father's side, on that side I'm by far the youngest and they live further away so they might as well be strangers (and we have like nothing in common).
Jeremy Falcon wrote: Maybe you saying that made it seem real to him because nobody else in his life would think he could write a book. Success breeds success.
I'm always surprised so many people have this loser mentality of "that's not going to work" or "they will never make it."
Not with that mentality you won't.
If someone does something because they want to, power to them!
You can do it, I wish you luck.
And if it doesn't work out, you'll have gained valuable experience for your next try.
Jeremy Falcon wrote: Quick side tangent though, a pretty face doesn't always make someone happy.
True, a pretty face won't even always help with a negative self image.
But at least she found the motivation/power to lose weight and take care of her body.
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Sander Rossel wrote: I'm good with all my cousins from my mother's side and also the oldest.
That's awesome man. Not every gets a good family. Don't really realize how valuable they are until they're gone, ya know.
Sander Rossel wrote: And if it doesn't work out, you'll have gained valuable experience for your next try.
100% buddy. There's no such thing as failure as long as you don't quit. You either succeed or learn for the next try.
Sander Rossel wrote: But at least she found the motivation/power to lose weight and take care of her body.
Good point.
Jeremy Falcon
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Oh man, I just thought of this time I made this guy's evening!
Pretty funny story actually, but not completely Lounge-safe... You'll like it though
I didn't know this guy, but he was from my area and it's pretty small, so we have like two or three places to hang out in weekends.
He's also a friend of friends, so I was bound to run into him again.
Anyway, he was drunk and he walked up to me and a friend I was with that he knew.
I can't remember exactly how it went, but he quickly started talking about his p****.
Now I decided to just roll with it.
Asked him how he felt about his p****, that he didn't need to feel bad about it being too small, if he liked other p**** as well, etc.
He loved that I talked to him about it and how I handled the conversation, and even more when I told him I was, in fact, sober.
So a couple of weeks later I meet him again, but sober this time.
He was like "ah, man, I talked to you about my p****, did I not?"
And I was like "yeah man, we had a pretty good conversation."
And this guy absolutely loved me for it, thanked me for indulging him in his drunk state and making him laugh then and again now that he thought about it.
It was the best and most epic conversation he ever had and every time we saw each other after that he'd come say hi and fist bump me
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Ha ha ha ha... that's awesome. I mean we're here to connect as humans... even if it's talking about some dude's p....
I'm not sure how much I can say in the lounge, but I was good buddies with a dude while I was in Florida and we'd have chats like that. Completely sober. I mean, it's silly bro chat, but it's also refreshing to talk to people not putting on some fake front. Like humanity would be a lot further along if we didn't put on a front.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: Yeah man. I got regrets too, like not giving a (genuine) homeless guy money once.
I got fooled a couple of times with that and I decided to not give money anymore. If I think that the vibe's are real, what I do now is to invite to eat something and buy food for that person.
Only exception was a guy that once came to me totally honest and told me he was adict and he needed money to buy his dosis relative soon and preferred to say the truth hoping that someone will give him something, so he can avoid having to rob someone when the abstinence hit him. I gave him what I had on me, his bravery to tell the truth upfront is something I have rarely seen and had to be rewarded.
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Nelek wrote: I got fooled a couple of times with that and I decided to not give money anymore.
Same. My family has offered a job to one once and he refused. Perfectly healthy dude. Ever since then, let's just say I use good judgement when dealing with that. The reason this other guy stuck out in my mind is because his energy was different. He wasn't panhandling. He was just outside a grocery store, not begging anyone for anything. And you could feel his aura... knowing he was having a rough time. I don't know if you're spiritual or not, but I'm pretty sure God was talking to me and yet I didn't listen. Still sticks with me to this day. Don't know where that guy is, but I hope he's ok. 
Nelek wrote: I gave him what I had on me, his bravery to tell the truth upfront is something I have rarely seen and had to be rewarded.
Nice, just like any relationship, we're here to connect as people. That's the good stuff. Honesty goes a long way towards that.
Jeremy Falcon
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What about a fictional character?
I keep seeing YouTube videos about Read Dead Redemption 2 where people in the comments section mention how the story's main protagonist starts off as a badass outlaw, but by the end of the game completely turns his life around and starts helping people once he understands the pain and suffering some of his past actions have caused. By itself it's a great story, probably one of best anyone's ever tried to convey through a game.
Some of these commenters claim to have found themselves to be more aware of the consequences of their actions, and now generally try to be nicer in their day-to-day dealings with others around them.
I've always thought, well, that's something.
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: Kinda making me wanna play it... but ya know... Zig
It's possible to blast through it within a few dozen hours. There's tons of side-quests that you don't have to do; RDR2 is one of those rare games that has a huge amount of hidden (and not-so-hidden) content.
It came out in 2018, but graphically it's one of the best-looking games still to this day. It's not for everyone - some would describe it as slow-paced, but it's got a great story to tell that doesn't feel rushed.
Plenty of people still describe it as the best game ever made. I can't think of many better examples, but I'm not that much of a gamer anymore.
There's an online component to it, but I haven't spent 20 minutes into it.
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Sounds cool. But, I don’t need another time sink right now. Working on a project to better my future.
I’ll just be vicarious.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: Rudy
I've always wanted to see that. Netflix tonight...
Software Zen: delete this;
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I gotta admit, I’m biased because I played football (US version) as a kid. Was never the best at it being a nerd and all… but still. Made some lifelong friends playing.
Since you're into running and cycling, totally hope you dig it, man.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: who's the secret guardian angels up in here?
I do small stuff. Pick up a piece of litter on the way into the building at work. Smile and say hi to folks, especially the housekeeping staff who most people treat as if they are invisible. Thank everyone, especially wait staff, and tip well. Pay the bill when out with friends and family.Jeremy Falcon wrote: those moments you really wished you helped someone out but lacked the courage
I frequently use a highway exit ramp where there is always a homeless person begging. I feel guilty about not giving them anything.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Can’t reply properly since I’m on the road but that’s good point about treating housekeepers with respect and dignity. Props for that.
For the homeless peeps, you’re good man. Most of them are scams. Not all, but a lot. My family has offered some jobs before but nope. They’ll take the handout though.
Every now and again you’ll meet someone really in need of help. For those folks, we should help. Not easy to always tell them apart though.
Jeremy Falcon
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Jeremy Falcon wrote: Most of them are scams. Not all, but a lot.
If they interrupt you as you're reaching for your wallet to pick up their ringing smartphone, walk away.
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So my marriage of 30 years ended with my ex demanding an open marriage, cheating on me, and generally treating me like garbage. I dipped my toes in the dating waters and met lots of nice people and quite quickly, my new partner. We've lived together six months now
We are in Melbourne but I moved back from Tasmania. We've had a Hobart trip and on the weekend went to Cradle Mountain. I bought a romance package that included a dinner, breakfasts and a spa treatment that was an hour massage and 90 in in a room with a sauna and a spa bath that was exposed on the corner and open into the forest. It was amazing. My day to day life with this woman is incredible and the odd weekend like this just feels like heaven. She often says she doesn't understand how any woman left me, but we are glad she did
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If you agreed to the open marriage part, how did she cheat? If you didn't then she definitely did.
But overall, I am happy that you have found someone who makes you feel happy and whole.
Just call me Captain Pedantic.
I’ve given up trying to be calm. However, I am open to feeling slightly less agitated.
I’m begging you for the benefit of everyone, don’t be STUPID.
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She saw I was getting close to the woman I was dating and remembered I am monogamous and would probably just go with her. So she closed the marriage but insisted she had a free pass to have sex with one man once. Then she had sex three times.
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